Tears start to well up in my eyes as I sang with the crowd. There, I see my life flashing through.
Back then, my idea of happiness is a product of things, people, situations that deemed to be most important to the world – a worldly life it was. Until I lost everything, bit by bit. A domino effect that started from losing myself, losing the love of my life, almost losing my father and all the comforts this life can bring. I lost count with all those misses and failures.
How many times should we have our hearts broken chasing temporary things to realise we should run back to Him?
This song (Hosanna) stuck with me. How could ever one desire to be broken? How could one possibly ask for a pain like that? When we all know how having a heart broken means immeasurable pain in return. Why would we ask for what aches for the Lord in a world that is convicted with so much hate and sin?
This line speaks to me in volumes. There I was living a life of comfort in all my humanness asking the Lord to break my heart for what breaks His’. Why would one ever want it? I do not understand.
But, it was in my brokenness that God revealed himself more to me. It was in my most failing moment as a human that I realised that it was not “me” – not my deeds, not my works, not my actions that would be given redemption. But it was all “Him” – His grace, His mercy and His love for me – for all of us man kind. It was not just about understanding but KNOWING the power and glory of the Lord.
There are many times that I come up short, and there God is, coming up much bigger. How was I so blind to see the glory and grace of the Lord, who in our pain and in our sin, was willing to take us back in all our brokenness.
In a time where I had everything perfect in life, I felt a huge void in my heart that I cannot understand. I started praying. I prayed that if this life was not for me, let it slip in my hands. And there it happened – everything slipped out one by one. As if not preparing you for the huge avalanche of heartache. But it was there in those heartaches that I learned to trust the Lord even more.
My thoughts aren’t as clear as I want them to be in this post. How can I put in to writing the immeasurable love of our Lord? It is just too vast, too huge and too big to put into words. But what I am sure of, that in all my pain and brokenness, I still stand firm in faith. He is my confidence because I know what He has done. I will continue to praise Him knowing that from here on, I walk with Him.
KATRINA GUZON 